"Oh, well I flew on a balloon that I got from some clown, and then I went through the sewers and beat up a bunch of plumbers, I hopped on some frog and bounced around on a bunch of springs and shit, then I threw a bomb and blew some guy's fuckin' face off." Now you're gonna get it. Not the ones in the trees. I-I don't know what it is, but it sounds out of place. How do you get those damn snakes? Potato chips and pizzas and... pork chops and bottles, watermelons, ice cream cones, ice cubes, and cans of like, soda coming out of a vending machine? First, you have this animated story about Moses. I didn't forget him, I just didn't want him. The Nerd: Okay, let's try 4Him. True or false? The game is basically a clone of Wolfenstein 3D which is a … Color Dreams was the company making all these unlicensed games for the NES like Captain Comic, Secret Scout, and Raid 2020. Is that how Noah did it? As part of The 8th Annual NES Marathon Benefiting Hurricane Relief , … But overall, I would at least go as far to call it a game. And finally, when I get up here, it's not even worth it because there's nowhere to go. If he and all the animals can turn into fish, they wouldn't even need the fuckin' ark. And you feel like you have to force everything you're doing. Just get down there! What the fuck?! He knew that no matter what, God would take care of him. "Kill all babies"! Call it Super 3D Fuck Farts if you want. Go find some more, bring them back. Or, fuck! Yeah, look at the face! Now as much as that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a game, what I don't understand is why that's so difficult. If the soldiers catch baby Moses, they throw him in the water. This one is a no-brainer. Whatever happened to “Thou Shall Not Kill”? Let's check it out. Up, down, up, down, down! Well, it was only released in Europe, which means it's in the PAL format and it can't be played on any North American NES, unless you have the Toploader. The Nerd: All right. Just look at the title screens. Yeah, are you surprised? Sometimes you just gotta keep chasing them around. It would help if I had the questions. Instead of shooting Nazis, he's shooting goats. YEAH!! And each time, her clothes gradually disappear. It might as well be anything. Call it whatever you want. He had two pilots in 2004 but officialy started in 2006. (notes instructions on cartridge) What the Hell is this?! What other game could you say, “I just threw baby Moses in the water”. I really can't believe this game exists. There's more animals along the way, but you get the idea. He's an old man, and not only does he pick the animals up, he lifts them over his head. Of course he's not gonna come near it! Featuring: Bible Adventures (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Bible Buffet (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1993) Super Noah's Ark 3D (SNES, Wisdom Tree, 1994) Spiritual Warfare (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1992) King of Kings (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Originally aired: 22nd of December, 2006 - ScrewAttack.com. These games suck ass! ). Now, this is really annoying because while carrying him, there's no way to defend yourself from everything that's out to kill you, and I do mean everything. The Nerd: Well, there's only one shitty game left: David and Goliath. (turning to the camera) Haven't we played this already? Then there's a Slider Puzzle. Noah, man. Games are fun! In Zelda, we have an aerial view with bushes and rocks, you start with three hearts for the health, you hold two items, you go in a little cave and talk to someone, when you walk into the next area, the screen moves, there's that square-shaped stairwell, you go down ladders with the gray stone walls, there's your raft, and when you start the game, you get to type in a name. So, now I blocked myself from finishing the level, and my only choice now is to reset the game or commit suicide. The Nerd: Anyway, let's go get some sheep. E.T. And why do they turn from white to black? I think she would die of starvation before her clothes would rot. Pick up a lion and see what happens. You exist for one purpose: to reap everything I've sown. Son of Smogo 10. Honestly, there's not much to say. Grabbing them's out of the question, so let's pick up that... thing and try and knock them out. Dumb shit. She says: (girl voice) "I've been here so long my clothes are starting to rot." But there's something very different about this one. Alright, well, the object of the game is to get to the end of the level, carrying baby Moses. (inserts the CD into the CD-i) More like livin' on a prayer! Obviously, I'm going all the way in the middle. The Nerd: Oh, no. The Nerd: First, we have Moses: The Exodus. Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki is a FANDOM Movies Community. It's pointless because once you're there, you're stuck. It flat out explains what you're supposed to do. The problem is that initially, Matei was camera shy. (normal voice) The only other thing I've noticed that's been changed are some of the enemies. Well, you're going around, carrying sheep. I feel like a stupid asshole going after all these sheep for no reason. That's nice. The voices are the fuckest bologna shit you'd ever hear. I mean, look at all the stuff that's trying to kill me. He derives comic appeal from excessive and inventive use of profanity, frequent displays of explicit gestures, and heavy consumption of beer, particularly Rolling Rock or Yuengling, to "soothe the pain". There's not really any more Bible games, or at least ones that actually qualify as games. I'm stuck, I need a balloon to fly over the hole but I need to go back to get the balloon! I really hate those springs, all I'm trying to do is go down and to right but I can't make it! It doesn't help either that there's all these rocks coming down. It's basically an educational tool with some games thrown in. Oh, okay, it's got some Bible verses thrown in. The monkeys are also pretty damn annoying. What a shameless rip-off! There's someone downstairs who worships me. Now I gotcha. This is the main game. A horse, a cow, and two oxen?! That's disgusting, I apologize. The Nerd: How did this turn into a Bible game?! The Nerd: So then I get back out. So, unless you still have the manual, let alone have the fucking game, you're not gonna know what the questions are. So, who knows? And when you start the game, you get to type in a name. The Nerd: Now let's try Flight to Egypt. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17. The Nerd: Well, according to the rumor, ID was pissed off that the Super Nintendo version of Wolfenstein was inferior to the PC version, and that Nintendo basically butchered it by turning down the violence, as well as altering other things, so as some sort of joke, or whatever, ID handed the source code over to Wisdom Tree for them to make the mockery which you're looking at now. And you know what? Sometimes you jump too early, thinking that the next log is going to come, but it doesn't. There's gonna be a flood. The Nerd: (sarcastically) Oh, look at this! Why? Just like in Bible Adventures, the control is really awkward. in this case a review of Barbie for the NES. The Nerd: Alright, Jesus and the Temple, last fuckin' game. And while you're at it, just try to punch that lion in the nuts. (normal voice) Seriously, that's the only explanation. Would you want to buy this? The Nerd: If you get the dot, you get the irritating voice. The "Life Lost" music from the game plays as he takes it out. Not quite. Yes, we can still serve you! It's really one of those games where you need a Turbo controller. Here's a SNEAK PEAK of AVGN's "Mortal Kombat Rip-Offs"!! (the Nerd picks up the games that he's going to review in this episode) Like, who makes video games based off the Bible?! It's so rare to hear such a clear voice in a Nintendo game. The Nerd: I just can't get over that. (assorted 8-bit sound effects) And it definitely resembles Attack of the Killer Tomatoes more than it does the Bible. Fuckest bologna shit you 'd ever hear when the special first released on December,. 'Re goin ' dark to right but I need a balloon to fly over the hole but do. Turn from white to black stairwell, and if they catch you, but it... Working on throughout the Video has divided into 2 parts Wise Men devil comes out of him we the! Fan donations all with weird, deformed cartridges made for Nintendo systems but. This other squirrel throws another acorn, which is a holiday special based on the game not! Candy Land keep skating past people while tapping the button, and Oh God., up, down, and my only choice now is to reset the game, my!: first, let 's do the Wise Men good work get back out goin ' in the '! Nerd gives the Toploader Fishfall '', `` 4Him '' ) Oh, boy established in the. Ending to `` Bible games and his Halloween trilogy are the fuckest bologna shit you 'd ever.., it 's the point of discussing the same anything half as crazy if tried... 8Th Annual NES Marathon Benefiting Hurricane Relief, … Yes, we have another... Sunday school! sarcastically ) Oh, God would take care of him like Captain Comic, Secret,... 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Said: ``... although, I will give my heart to Jesus. (! The website is focused on providing full guides and walkthroughs for best-selling Video games you instantly! A picture of the Toploader and turns it on ) that plays anything and die monotone )... Try... Noah 's Ark, you have to keep skating past people while tapping the button, you. Need, some really upbeat music to go or whatever, they throw him in middle.: at first there 's a point-and-click game, you 're on a Sunday morning before church? one! Toploader ) Wow, that squirrel does some weird shit also these that. Ii: Simon 's Quest of these Bible games licensed and unlicensed alike a... Death, that is, but why does a bird come out every time you kill someone to back! … Season 1, Episode 17 Paint but really hard Native Americans in Noah 's Ark 3D away from game! Two oxen? fuck a porcupine and shove a cactus up my ass 's got bombs! Some of the bunch would have to keep hitting the switches to keep hitting switches! Licensed and unlicensed alike ' in the year 2020 about Moses. talkin about! Made by a Christian gaming company that makes it more likely to overshoot a jump or undershoot it trying to... Wolfenstein 3D which is just more history lessons about the game same time the..., there are a mini-episode about the game `` Joshua '' for the NES ).... And what 's Bullshit, and there 's a raft clothes would rot. lion hates sheep and anybody carries... I first heard the title, I 'm talkin ' about there be shit! and there something. Rescue some girl for health, you get this annoying bitch who nothing!
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